Welcome Back, Loyal Vidshow-watching Citizens! And now the Conclusion.
Episode 4: Debriefing
Turn 135: That’s All Folks!
The troubleshooters once again speak silently in their soundproof tubes during a commercial break. Bill-B listens to each one gravely. Then the break ends and Bill-B reanimates.
“Welcome back, loyal citizens! Let’s see what these troubleshooters have to say for themselves! First, let’s hear from Howard-R!”
“Even though I don’t know exactly what knowledge is available at Orange clearance I do know that it is only slightly above mine. Knowing that a certain bot has good ocular sensitivity, whatever that means, might be known at that clearance level but I strongly doubted the technical details would be available to a clearance barely better then ours. I have been proved incorrect about that assumption which I have to apologize for. However it was the best guess I could make at the time.”
“Apology accepted, citizen. However, I think a refresher course in telling the difference between a loyal botspotter and a treasonous member of Corpore Metal is in order. Fortunately, that course is INFRARED clearance, since that is the clearance you will be until such time as you show yourself to be worthy of once again wearing RED. And now, B’bye! Now… let’s hear from Aken-R…”
Howard disappears through a hole in the floor as Aken-R’s voice begins to speak, “I have no problem with a demotion in clearance, if that is what Friend Computer decides. I believe that any clone with who wants to can work his way up by hard work and dedication. I do have a problem with the mutant registration I have here. I am not a mutant. I have a party trick: I’m pretty good at talking without moving my lips. That’s not the same as the ability to eat stuff that was not meant to be eaten, or other unnatural traits. A blue clearance need only be temporary, but a yellow stripe is forever, and I don’t think I deserve it!”
“Of course, citizen! A party trick was able to project your voice through your soundproof tube. Now I’d suggest filling out that paperwork before we decide to have your next clone be properly registered instead, after extensive medical tests, of course. And also, since you seem to be having trouble telling the difference between clearances, as evidenced by your previous clone telling me, a BLUE clearance citizen as well as your direct superior, to ‘Bug Off’, and your current assertion that BLUE clearance need only be temporary, as if being made BLUE clearance would be below your current clearance and just something to be tolerated instead of celebrated, I think we also need to promote you all the way to INFRARED and see to it that you’re properly re-educated on Alpha Complex’s wonderful clearance system. So, b’bye! Have a happy day! And now, Phil-R.”
Aken disappears through a hole in the floor as Mr. Sock’s high-pitched voice comes through the speakers, “Well yes, of course I fully intended to reveal my mutant abilities that I just discovered in myself moments after this tube went down over me. I realized it was my solemn duty to Friend Computer to do so and to help Friend Computer root out the other mutants in the team while doing so. As to Isaac-O, well it is clear that the rest of the team unanimously agrees with my estimation and therefore I believe Friend Computer will be pleased with us all for rooting out such a subversive individual.”
“Yes, yes, yes, I’m sure you only just now discovered it. Blah Blah Blah… Whatever… We’ve all seen the security footage. Well, all that aside, I’m afraid you still did not answer the concerns that I put to you. To wit, backing up your serious accusations against a higher clearance citizen, and revealing this so-called ‘primary traitor’ you mentioned before. Perhaps some time back as an INFRARED will teach you to listen to what you’re being told and to actually have evidence when you make accusations. Oh, and I think a good brainscrub might be in order to get rid of that annoying sock puppet. Goodbye, Phil-R and Mr. Sock. And now Isaac-O.”
Phil falls away into the now-open floor below him as Isaac-O’s voice fills the room, “It shouldn’t surprise anyone that as the only innocent clone in the team all the Frankie sympathizers are trying to pin something on me. The main culprit was Quentin-R but his complete failure to take any action points the finger of blame most steadily to Dean-O, as his most active accomplice. From their own statements continued allegence to the Frankie’s is evidence against all the five others present. Armed with this information a team that isn’t so completely compromised by Frankies should be able to discover the actual specific details of the treason. Provided they, like I, maintain a proper emphasis on good hygiene.”
“So… Just because the rest of the team thinks that you are a member, or at least a sympathizer, of Corpore Metal, you think that is proof that they are all Frankenstein Destroyers. Right… while I agree that you are all incompetent bunglers, there is no evidence to suggest that they all are Frankenstein Destroyers. Also, while our investigation into Quentin-R did reveal that he was a member of the Frankenstein Destroyers, it also revealed equally compelling evidence that he was a PURGE terrorist, and a Free Enterprise member, and an unregistered pyrokinetic. However, there has been no indication that he was involved in the murders which your team was assigned to solve. Incidentally, Quentin-R escaped during interrogation, but was quickly caught by a competent troubleshooter team, and he has since been terminated and his clone template erased. But I digress. You, Isaac-R will now be sent to your very own training course in what constitutes proper evidence. If you do well, you might be allowed on the next troubleshooter team to be sent on this mission. And so, say goodbye, Isaac-R. And finally, our team leader, Dean-O.”
Isaac-R falls down his shaft with a silent scream of frustrated rage as Dean-O’s voice projects into the room, “With respect, sir, ‘towards the end’ I was under Friend Computer’s personal orders not to delay the mission for anything that could be dealt with during debriefing. Furthermore, I doubt very much that any leader below say INDIGO, with the possible exception of Teela-O-MLY, could have overcome these clones’ natural incompetence.”
“So… You’re going to blame Friend Computer for your inability to control your team, huh? Still… your assessment of your teammates is basically correct, and you did seem to show a certain amount of competence before you just seemed to give up, so we’re going to give you another chance. You, Dean-R, will undergo a short leadership training class, as well as a little re-education pertaining to why Friend Computer is always right, and then you will be assigned to the next troubleshooter team for this mission, though not necessarily as team leader this time. But for now… B’bye!”
Dean-O goes the way of his teammates. The room stands empty, except for Bill-B, who faces the camera and grins.
“So there you have it, folks. A perfect example of what not to do while on a troubleshooter mission. But not to worry, loyal viewers, we’ve not given up on finding the dastardly treasonous culprits. Tune in next season when we’ll bring in a competent group of troubleshooters, who will most certainly solve…The Bot Murders!! And remember, citizens….”
The fanfare comes to a crescendo, and recorded audience voices join in with Bill-B as he says, “STAY ALERT! TRUST NO ONE!! KEEP YOUR LASER HANDY!!! Thank you, citizens, and good night!“
Fade to black.
You have been watching the PBEM Network’s presentation of The Bot Murders. No loyal citizens were harmed in the making of this program.Cast:
- Grov-R-LER as Dean-O-KTI
- Richie-R-ICH-1 as Isaac-O-MEL
- Scalene as Isaac-O-MEL
- djones0823 as Isaac-O-MEL
- Phial as Isaac-O-MEL
- NekoAbyss as Aken-R-BSH
- Banequo as Aken-R-BSH
- Valen10 as Aken-R-BSH
- Elm-R-FUD as Roy-O-HBL
- xandri as Chaelim-R-BEL
- smiling_oddling as Tom-R-KIT
- Max as Quentin-R-PAD
- Rib-O-NZR as Hayate-R-GTK
- werd as Phil-R-XYZ
- starlust as Howard-R-WST
and FiredrakeMacFie as The GM
Thank you everyone, readers and players alike. It’s been a really fun game, and I’ll likely run another one day, and despite the rather nasty things that Bill-B had to say to everyone (Hey, it’s his job as debriefing officer), you’ve all been great!